Sunday, April 5, 2009

Metaphor

Whenever I walk into Starbucks, I stand back from the counter, fold my arms, and peruse the menu for a couple minutes. I look over everything they have to offer – plenty of options, limitless combinations. Drip. Espresso. Latte. Cappuccino. Frappuccino. Tea. Hot. Cold. Decaf. Caffeinated. Super-caffeinated. Flavored syrups. Then they have those weird drinks, the ones that I know I won’t like but am tempted to order anyway, just to say I’ve tried it. Then, when the barista asks if I’ve been helped, I step up to the register and ask for the same thing I get every time, a medium cup of black coffee.

Story of my life.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Stuff

It's been a while since I've posted on here. Guess I ran out of stuff to talk about. Things are going fine - not great, but not horrible, and that's the best you can hope for sometimes. I'm a junior in college and I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. Sums everything up pretty nicely, I think. More? If you insist.

I still haven't found a place to live next year. I think that my parents were secretly hoping that I'd do the RA thing for another year, but it's time to get out of the dorm. I just want to have my own place. I still haven't found a roommate. All of my friends are either graduating or living with whoever they lived with this year, which is what I get for staying behind an extra year, I suppose. I was going to live with this cool girl who's an RA in Littlefield this year, but she's ended up deciding to go elsewhere for grad school. Can't sign a lease until I find a roommate, get can't a roommate if everyone's booked, so I'm pretty much at square one indefinitely.

The past two weeks have been the worst academic experience of my life. I had a 15-page research paper due last Wednesday (for a class I thought I was going to drop until my parents guilt-tripped me out of it two days before the due date), another paper the same day, a program that night, three rough drafts for a portfolio and 100 pages of reading for Thursday, a test Friday, on-call Friday night into Saturday, test Monday, final drafts of the portfolio, a presentation, and another 100 pages of reading for Tuesday. Sounds pretty impressive rattled off in a row like that, doesn't it? Gotta admit, I definitely felt a sense of accomplishment last night as I sat down to watch LOST, guilt-free. I also had two programs tonight (an open-mic night with the whole group and then a movie with Sam), but literally all I had to do was show up. I'm on call on Saturday night, but it'll be a relief to have a socially acceptable excuse to lock myself away for 24 hours, to be honest. Sleep is awesome.

Lots of drama going on with my friends. None of it involves me; I just get to hear all about it every time we hang out. I need drama of my own so that a) I can counter with it when people start talking my ear off and b) when they want to hang out so they can talk about it, I can say, 'Sorry, can't, I'm dealing with my own shit right now.' I'm too non-confrontational. I should work on that.

Don't even get me started on girls, man. I've discovered through empirical research that every girl at UT Austin has a boyfriend. Not even worth the effort anymore.

Lots of little things have been getting to me lately. My laptop's been running slow. The desk computer runs even slower. I can't go a week without someone calling me to ask if I can trade a desk shift or an on-call or why my paperwork is late. My stapler jams so much that I've stopped updating the posting board I'm supposed to be maintaining on a daily basis. I lost the syllabi for all of my classes somewhere in the giant quagmire that is my desk. All of this stuff combined sometimes makes me shudderingly, have-to-stop-to-breathe-and-tell-myself-it's-gonna-be-okay angry. If it's the little stuff that makes me happy, I guess it's the little stuff that gets on my nerves, too. Fair trade-off.

Today was one of the good days, though. Class from 11-2, dropped by Starbucks to get a couple gift cards for our program, showered, got lunch at Kins Mart (turkey sandwich and coffee) and ate it outside. Beautiful day. The Quad RHC was giving away ice-cream sundaes, so I took a bowl and shot the shit with people for a good hour and a half. Open-mic night was cool; I sang "All My Lovin'" a cappella to kill time and then did a duet with Magown ("Numb," by Linkin Park) at the end. Program with Sam after that - we showed "United States of Leland" in one of the Joynes Rooms. Fucking brilliant movie.

Month and a half left in the Quad. I'm gonna miss this place, I really am. I miss anonymity sometimes, though. The whole third-year/RA combination means that there are very few people who don't know me. I bask in it sometimes, but others, I wish I could read outside for fifteen minutes without getting interrupted. Enjoying it while I can, because once this time is over, I can never get it back.

So...yeah. That's my life in a thousand words or less. How are you?