Physical Jolt

I've finally been able to put into words that feeling that hits me sometimes, the one that comes out of nowhere, the one I've resigned myself to just waiting out. It's boredom, an intense, pervasive boredom that opens my eyes to the pointlessness of whatever I happen to be engaged in at the time. The kicker, though, is that it also makes anything else that I could be doing -- studying, reading, writing, talking with friends or strangers -- seem equally futile. In those moments, I feel like everything I'm doing, everything I could be doing, and everything I've ever done is just filler, a stimulus meant to keep me occupied in the absence of some greater pursuit that I'm not sure will ever come.